Task 7 : Self Introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I graduated from Republic Polytechnic with a diploma of materials science. Since young, I have always enjoyed taking apart of objects such as pens or toys with rotating parts because I love figuring out how things are operated and this extends to machines as well. It's just very interesting to me how combining springs, gears and pistons could create something new. Materials science was a pleasure to learn as I get to understand more on why materials function the way they do. I also enjoy drawing and photography and most wouldn't think an engineering student would have these as their hobbies but I think that an artist isn't so different from an engineer, both follow the same creative thinking process and have the desire to create.
One of my strengths is that I have experiences in presenting because as you know, Republic Polytechnic is known for making their students do reflections and presentations a lot. Not only that, I have also been an emcee or host for my clubs. I was in Girls' Brigade and I volunteered to speak about Girls' Brigade day to the whole cohort of my school, ensuring that I was entertaining and informative to spread the word of the day. However, I always struggle with the Q&A part of the presentations even after preparing myself questions that could potentially be brought up, I end up forgetting everything or stumble on my words. Although having done many presentations, it still makes me nervous, I have froze in the middle of my speech despite starting out strong. On another note, I'm generally bad with eye contact, always looking to the side to think instead of looking at my audience.
My goals for this module is to be able to communicate with others effectively as it is easy to misunderstand each other. I would like to also get over the fear of being perceived by others, I worry too much about people noticing my mistakes when it can actually help me to become better.
Best Regards,
Kawiwon Duanghathai
Hi Kawi, good self intro, and I enjoy reading it. I realised there are a few long sentences in your post, and I would like to suggest to make it shorter or break into sentences. Overall, I am happy to get to know you better from your post and once again, good job Kawi!
ReplyDeleteGood job, solid intro but u forgot to mention ur name at the start. Also theres a few grammatical errors like, "taking apart of objects" -> "taking apart objects"/"dismentaling objects" and "things are operated" -> "things operate"
ReplyDeleteGreat introduction my friend. Maybe in the second paragraph, you could change " I have froze..." into "I have frozen up..." as it sounds more fluent. Other than that, I think that the letter is short and concise. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello Kawiwon!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story with us. I find myself being able to relate to your experience in public speaking as well as your hobby in photography. Your experience in presentation aligns with goals that you have for this module. If I might add, you might want to have a balance of positive and negative. While it's good to acknowledge your weaknesses, I think emphasizing your strengths and how they can contribute to your goals gives it balance. Overall, I enjoyed reading your letter. Hope to hear more from you!
Hi Kawiwon,
ReplyDeleteInteresting take on how engineers and artist are not that different, never thought of it that way but you might have changed it! Solid letter overall but i think adding a short paragraph thanking the reader at the end of the letter would improve it. Keep up the good work!
Hi Kawiwon! I hope this comment finds you well! First of all thank you for this great self-introductory letter as it helps me get to know so much more about you not just as a person but as a friend! Secondly, pardon my english as I may not be the best but I do have some things to feedback on! For this sentence, "Although having done many presentations, it still makes me nervous, I have froze in the middle of my speech despite starting out strong." I think that you can maybe re-write it as Although I have done many presentations before, I still get nervous and even froze in the middle of my speech, despite having a strong start." I feel like this would help the sentence flow better? This sentence as well, " I love figuring out how things are operated and this extends to machines as well" might be better written as, "I love figuring out how things including machines worked as well." Thirdly, I'd like to say that I love some of the sentences and words you used such as, "Materials science was a pleasure to learn" or "On another note" all these help to start and let the connecting sentences flow much better making it more pleasant to read!
ReplyDeleteOther then that, I can finally say that I really enjoyed reading your introduction and look forward to working and spending more time together with you!
Dear Kawi,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this well developed and informative letter. You address the main components of the brief and provide lots of clear details. For instance, I like how you have described the pleasure you feel for taking things apart and figuring out how they operate. You also make the (strong) case for the way art / creativity are linked to engineering. You also elaborate in fine detail on your communication strengths and weaknesses. I certainly look forward to hearing more from you in class.
In the spirit of wanting to refine your writing, consider these points:
1. verb tense
-- Materials science was a pleasure to learn as I get to understand more on why materials function the way they do. > (tense inconsistency) ?
2. sentence structure
-- I also enjoy drawing and photography and most wouldn't think an engineering student would have these as their hobbies but I think that an artist isn't so different from an engineer, both follow the same creative thinking process and have the desire to create. > (comma splice/punctuation)
I also enjoy drawing and photography, and most wouldn't think an engineering student would have these as their hobbies. However, I think that an artist isn't so different from an engineer; both follow the same creative thinking process and have the desire to create.
-- Although having done many presentations, it still makes me nervous, I have froze in the middle of my speech despite starting out strong. > (comma splice) ?
-- I would like to also get over the fear of being perceived by others, I worry too much about people noticing my mistakes when it can actually help me to become better. > (comma splice) ?
Best wishes,
Brad